iPod: The Next Ten Mellow Gold

11. Not Enough Time -- INXS some folks have Barry White to get them feeling romantical I 've got this song by the Michael Hutchence version of INXS

12. How's It Going to Be -- Third Eye Blind ultimate cheese, but quel fromage!

13. Sullivan Street -- Counting Crows "I'm almost drowning in her sea, she's nearly fallen to her knees, it's almost...everything I need..."

14. Closer to Fine -- Indigo Girls particularly like the backing vocals by James Taylor and Jackson Browne

15. 1979 -- Smashing Pumpkins nostalgic pumpkins

16. Beautiful Girl -- INXS another INXS, from the same album "Beautiful girl, stay with me..."

17. Jesus Was an Only Son -- Bruce Springsteen "Well Jesus kissed his mother's hands
Whispered, 'Mother, still your tears, For remember the soul of the universe
Willed a world and it appeared.'"

18. Under Pressure -- Queen with David Bowie still can't forgive Vanilla ice for stealing this beat for Ice Ice Baby

19. Running to Stand Still -- U2 One of several overlooked gems from the Joshua Tree an elegy about addiction

20. Secret Garden -- Bruce Springsteen another romantical song... from Jerry Maguire

iPod Playlists

I'm interested in talking music with any who visit the blog. I've got a couple of different playlists on my iPod; I'll start with "Mellow Gold" and list ten songs each time I do the iPod post, until I've exhausted the playlist. Be interested in recommendations, comparisons, just generally what you think... These are in no particular order, but "Shuffle"

1. She Was the One -- Peter Holsapple
2. If I Had $1,000,000 -- Barenaked Ladies
3. Desert Rose -- Sting
4. Drops of Jupiter -- Train
5. Hurt -- Johnny Cash
6. Bohemian Rhapsody -- Queen
7. Angels -- Peter Holsapple & Chris Stamey
8. Lullaby -- Shawn Mullins
9. Dancing Queen -- ABBA
10. Nothing Man -- Bruce Springsteen

Got introduced to Peter Holsapple in New Orleans at a bar called Carrolton Station. He's played in REM's touring band, and he's a great songwriter...

Hurt is just a great song -- liked Nine Inch Nails original, but Cash's is definitive...

Nothing Man is one of a great album full of songs...

William Carlos Williams

"It is almost impossible to state what one in fact believes, because it is almost impossible to hold a belief and to define it at the same time."
-William Carlos Williams

For some reason, I had the following poem, written by William Carlos Williams
in my head all day:

This Is Just To Say

I have eaten
the plums
that were in
the icebox

and which
you were probably
saving
for breakfast

Forgive me
they were delicious
so sweet
and so cold

This is one of my favorite poems, and I memorized it in junior high for an English assignment, but it hadn't crossed my mind in years. Funny how the mind works.

Anywho, here's a couple more of WCW's poems, which I also enjoy:

A Sort of Song

Let the snake wait under
his weed
and the writing
be of words, slow and quick, sharp
to strike, quiet to wait,
sleepless.
— through metaphor to reconcile
the people and the stones.
Compose. (No ideas
but in things) Invent!
Saxifrage is my flower that splits
the rocks.


The Red Wheelbarrow

so much depends
upon

a red wheel
barrow

glazed with rain
water

beside the white
chickens.

Slow Movement

All those treasures that lie in the little bolted box whose tiny space is
Mightier than the room of the stars, being secret and filled with dreams:
All those treasures—I hold them in my hand—are straining continually
Against the sides and the lid and the two ends of the little box in which I guard them;
Crying that there is no sun come among them this great while and that they weary of shining;
Calling me to fold back the lid of the little box and to give them sleep finally.

But the night I am hiding from them, dear friend, is far more desperate than their night!
And so I take pity on them and pretend to have lost the key to the little house of my treasures;
For they would die of weariness were I to open it, and not be merely faint and sleepy
As they are now.

The Full Monty...

Python, that is. A small tribute to their genius from...

The Holy Grail

The Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch

King Arthur: How does it... um... how does it work?
Sir Lancelot: I know not, my liege.
King Arthur: Consult the Book of Armaments.
Brother Maynard: Armaments, chapter two, verses nine through twenty-one.
Cleric: [reading] And Saint Attila raised the hand grenade up on high, saying, "O Lord, bless this thy hand grenade, that with it thou mayst blow thine enemies to tiny bits, in thy mercy." And the Lord did grin. And the people did feast upon the lambs and sloths, and carp and anchovies, and orangutans and breakfast cereals, and fruit-bats and large chu...
Brother Maynard: Skip a bit, Brother...
Cleric: And the Lord spake, saying, "First shalt thou take out the Holy Pin. Then shalt thou count to three, no more, no less. Three shall be the number thou shalt count, and the number of the counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, neither count thou two, excepting that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy Holy Hand Grenade of Antioch towards thy foe, who, being naughty in my sight, shall snuff it.

A Witch

Sir Bedevere: There are ways of telling whether she is a witch.
Peasant 1: Are there? Oh well, tell us.
Sir Bedevere: Tell me. What do you do with witches?
Peasant 1: Burn them.
Sir Bedevere: And what do you burn, apart from witches?
Peasant 1: More witches.
Peasant 2: Wood.
Sir Bedevere: Good. Now, why do witches burn?
Peasant 3: ...because they're made of... wood?
Sir Bedevere: Good. So how do you tell whether she is made of wood?
Peasant 1: Build a bridge out of her.
Sir Bedevere: But can you not also build bridges out of stone?
Peasant 1: Oh yeah.
Sir Bedevere: Does wood sink in water?
Peasant 1: No, no, it floats!... It floats! Throw her into the pond!
Sir Bedevere: No, no. What else floats in water?
Peasant 1: Bread.
Peasant 2: Apples.
Peasant 3: Very small rocks.
Peasant 1: Cider.
Peasant 2: Gravy.
Peasant 3: Cherries.
Peasant 1: Mud.
Peasant 2: Churches.
Peasant 3: Lead! Lead!
King Arthur: A Duck.
Sir Bedevere: ...Exactly. So, logically...
Peasant 1: If she weighed the same as a duck... she's made of wood.
Sir Bedevere: And therefore...
Peasant 2: ...A witch!

(Lack of) Choice 2006

Was talking to Mrs. Tarzan (Jane?) recently, about the lack of excitement the 2006 elections are generating for me. Here in Illinois, we have a choice between two of the Seven Dwarfs, Sleazy (Governor Blagojevich) and Angry (the un-gubernatorial Judy Barr Topinka). Sleazy, is just that -- a "lite" version of the equally sleazy William Jefferson Clinton, whose policies I by and large agreed with, but whose ethically challenged leadership was lacking -- although Blago's sleazy deals largely with family and friends accepting questionable payments, kickbacks, rather than strange tricks with cigars. Also, with the Gov., none of the charges have yet to result in any indictment.

The problem with Angry is that she refuses to disown the sleazy Republican establishment in Illinois (she's a disciple of those that ennabled George Ryan) and she's running a campaign like the grumpy old man on your block who threatened to steal your baseball if it landed on his lawn when you were a kid (and did to me, at least once). Her policies are also far from the type I can get behind. Unfortunately, there's no real third party candidate to speak of.

So, what to do about the gubernatorial election in November? I've actually considered refusing to vote for governor given the choices, but given my belief exercising my right to vote, I'm more likely to vote with the uninspiring Dems than the equally uninspiring Republicans, because, I figure, go with the party that brought you to the dance, all other things being equal. Or maybe I'll write in "Abe Lincoln". Or Franklin Roosevelt. Or Diamond Joe Quimby.

What I'm Watching

The new fall season has been solid -- I'm TIVOing the following at my house

Prison Break -- currently on hiatus after 4 episodes (World Series on Fox) But the wait has been worth it

Vanished -- it stinks, but I'm hooked. Shame it's going the way of the Big Bands

Studio 60 Live on the Sunset Strip -- the West Wing meets Saturday night live. Who knew Matthew Perry could do drama?

30 Rock -- only one episode so far... we'll see

Lost -- is driving me nuts -- how stupid can the prinicipals be? After living on the island for two years, you'd think they'd have learned not to trust strangers...

Kidnapped -- has been relegated to Saturday nights, and will apparently run its course after 13 episodes -- which stinks, because it's excellent, particularly Timothy Hutton.

The Office -- rocks. What an ensemble.

Grey's Anatomy -- appeals to the Soap Opera-y part of me. McDreamy and now McSteamy.
Tarzan Joe's not gay, but these guys are hot!

The Nine -- haven't seen it yet, but it's on TIVO


And the piece de resistance -- 24, which won't open until January...

Where to Begin?

Hello. I'm Tarzan Joe Wallis and it's been 6 months since my last blog. Quite frankly I feel like a recovering blog-a-holic. I'm going to try and take it a bit slower this time around to avoid blog burnout. Easiest place to begin is probably where I finished off last time, hope again springs eternal with the Cubs' imminent hiring of Lou Piniella to light a fire under some dead wood on the team. I don't expect miracles, but quite frankly, the Cubs could have been a .500 team had they been able to do the things Little Leaguers are taught, like catch the ball, throw the ball, watch and listen to your coach when you're running the bases. Don't think that fundamentals will be a problem for Sweet Lou. He'll tear some of the Cubs a new one if they persist in their wayward behaviors...

Jacque & Carlos

The ever-loyal Funky was curious about my response to Bleacher Bums booing Jacque Jones yesterday. Funky is against. My take is a bit different. Jones came here for more money, pure and simple. So any complaint he has about loyalty is suspect to begin with. Add in the fact that Cubs fans come through the turnstiles to the tune of more than 3+ million a year -- no mean feat given the fact that Wrigley seats barely 40,000 and the Cubs haven't even sniffed a Series since 1945 and I'm almost ready to boo Jones myself. The real kicker, however, is his performance merited a verbal butt-kicking. Twice, not once, but twice, the batter in front of him (Matt Murton) walked on four straight pitches. What does Jones, who is in a slump, do? He swings at the first pitch both times, and pops out. So long as the fans weren't using profanity or calling out Jones' family members, I'm fine with the boos. Jones also made things worse by waiting until after the game, after he had hit the game winning homerun (which fans gave him his props for) to call out Cubs fans. Why in the world would you moan about it after you won the game? He's asking to be booed now.

The other dunce of the game, is Carlos Zambrano, who is lucky he didn't end up on the DL with splinters after breaking a bat over his leg after whiffing. What is he, 10? Many fans like his shows of emotion, arguing that he feeds off his antics. The problem is, when things are going lousy, he loses focus and acts unprofessionally. , by doing things like showing up his teamates. And we true blue fans wonder why we're reaching a Century of Futility?

And the Suffering Continues...

Derek Lee, Cubs star first baseman will be out 8-10 weeks with two broken bones in his wrist after colliding with Rafael Furcal in a game last night. Not good Cubs fans...

My Other Favorite TV Attorney, Lionel Hutz

Strangely enough, Phil Hartman was both Lionel Hutz and and Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer...

Love the Simpsons -- which is where these quotes come from...

Pfft. Doctors. Doctors are idiots! There is no telling what type of permanent injuries he might have. You might have to wait on him hand and foot for the rest of his natural life. That's the down side. Now here is the good part. You can ching ching ching cash in on this tragedy.

Mr. Simpson, the state bar forbids me from promising you a big cash settlement. But just between you and me, I promise you a big cash settlement.

Lionel Hutz, court-appointed attorney. I'll be defending you on the charge of... Murder One! Wow! Even if I lose, I'll be famous!

Judge: Case dismissed!
Hutz: Your Honor... Do I still get paid?

Mr. Simpson, this is the most blatant case of fraudulent advertising since my suit against the film, "The Never-Ending Story".
Homer: So. Do you think I have a case?
Hutz: Homer, I don't use the word "hero" very often, but you are the greatest hero in American history.

Hutz: Now don't you worry, Mrs. Simpson, I - uh-oh. We've drawn Judge Snyder.
Marge: Is that bad?
Hutz: Well, he's kind of had it in for me, since I accidently ran over his dog. Actually, replace `accidently' with `repeatedly', and replace `dog' with `son'.


Bart: Mr. Hutz when I grow up I want to be a lawyer just like you.
Hutz: Good for you, son. If there's one thing America needs, it's more lawyers. Can you imagine a world without lawyers?

Hutz: I move for a bad court thingy.
Judge: You mean a mistrial?
Hutz: Right!! That's why you're the judge and I'm the law-talking guy.
Judge: You mean the lawyer?
Hutz: Right.

Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer

In a nod to Jeff C-Win, as well as my chosen profession, I give you Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer, from Saturday Night Live

"He used to be a caveman,
but now he's a lawyer.
Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer!"

Transcript 1
Transcript 2

"Your world frightens and confuses me! Sometimes the honking horns of your traffic make me want to get out of my BMW.. and run off into the hills, or wherever.. Sometimes when I get a message on my fax machine, I wonder: "Did little demons get inside and type it?" I don't know! My primitive mind can't grasp these concepts. But there is one thing I do know - when a man like my client slips and falls on a sidewalk in front of a public library, then he is entitled to no less than two million in compensatory damages, and two million in punitive damages. Thank you."

Even the Onion Has a Bead on the Cubs

Check out this article on the Cubs from America's Finest News Source, The Onion, titled, "Dusty Baker Not Worried About Cubs' Hot Start". Here's a "quote" from Dusty in the article, "The guys are in a bit of a groove right now, but they'll snap out of it," Baker said. "It's early yet. There's still plenty of time to get back off track and give the fans the kind of season they've come to know and expect."

Play Ball!

Cubs rolled the Reds today, 16-7. While Carlos Zambrano's control was shaky, the hitters were bashing the ball, and doing the little things like sacrificing, bunt(!) hits, and running the bases well. 1-0 after 1. Come on Woody and Prior!

Hope Springs Eternal

Cubs broke camp yesterday with a winning spring training record, which past history suggests is an indicator that they will finish above .500. Not gonna predict playoffs, but I will say they'll be competitive -- probably 83-79 this year, better if they get 50-60 starts from Woody and Prior. They've got a lot to prove after the Sox won it all last year, and they're flying under the radar again after crazy predictions of World Series glory the past couple of years. Here's hoping, although I predict we'll be through 98 years of futility after the season.

Take the Money and Run

Check out this one. Soccer refs in Nigeria have been told it's cool for them to take bribes, but to be fair anyway. Yeah. This'll work. Like the Edsel. I particularly like the quote, "Referees should only pretend to fall for the bait, but make sure the result doesn't favor those offering the bribe."

Funky

To answer J C-win's ?, Funky is Paul, a good friend of mine from high school, who now resides with his wife in the great state of Minnesota, which allows him to be a double threat to the hated White Sox -- a Cubs fan and a Twins fan...

Another Reason I Don't Like Cats

Have you heard this one, about Lewis, the insane Connecticut bushwacking house cat? Animal control officials in Connecticut have issued a restraining order against the cat for stealth attacks on neighbors, friends and even the Avon Lady (well, she at least probably had it coming). Seems to be a bit o' species discrimination going on. If this was a dog, it would have been destroyed. But because cats have a higher proportion of equally insane owners (you never hear about the crazy old lady with 100 dogs, do you?), the cat gets off with a questionably enforceable rap. And Lady Justice weeps...

Bracketology Update

Man is it ugly in my NCAA brackets. The annual ritual of tearing them up while cursing under my breath (only mildly) lasted a little longer into the tournament this year, but I, like a lot of other March Madness-keteers, owe our pain (and some joy) to George Mason for knocking out prohibitive favorite U Conn. Speaking as a true Cubs fan -- there's always next year!

Cool It Now!

In a nod to Jeff C-win -- they're back, or should I say, Bobby is back! Mr. Telephone Man, is there something wrong with my line? Not at all baby, New Edition to re-unite for one night only. !

And the Slope Gets Slipperier

Not a good day concerning Iraq. The Administration finally copped to the obvious -- that U.S. forces will be in Iraq past the end of the Bush Administration, with no end in sight.